with a lot of help from my friends

23 11 2006

Each time I go through a crisis, the main lesson that keeps being highlighted is that I am not alone and that I am lucky to have family and friends who will never, ever let go of my hand. The harrowing experience I went through several days ago was no different than all the others but it made me realize how truly fortunate I am to have an entire solid group of friends here to hold my hand (literally and figuratively) through the dark times.


And oh, last year I contributed a letter to Forbes magazine’s time capsule project. I wrote myself a letter and asked that it be sent to me a year later. Tonight I received the letter in my inbox and whoa, all I can say is, awesome timing. And yeah, I did good, I did really good on my plans.

Here is the letter:
Greetings from your past. In the fall of 2005, you agreed to receive this message, which
has been preserved for a year in the Forbes.com E-Mail Time Capsule. For more details,
visit http://www.forbes.com/capsule

Here is the text of your message:

You wrote this a year ago.

A lot of things happened to you in 2005.

You learned football.

You met life-long friends.

You lost weight.

Things went bad with Barney but you had good times. He’s really an asshole so don’t take
what he did personally. Plus you learned how truly loved you are by your friends and
family. And you learned how not to become perenially bitter after a heartbreaking event.

You learned that pain is good because it helps you move forward but you should never
cling to it.

You said that by mid-2006 you’d be out of your company and be in another country, either
studying or working.

So how are you now?

So how am I now? In Aussie lingo, I’M GOOD, THANKS. Wehehehe.


yes there is a god[dess ]

19 11 2006

eddie vedder

last thursday i experienced hell, an incredible kind of hell that i, even in extreme anger, would not wish on anyone. but if it was what i needed to go through to appreciate the mind-blowing heaven i came upon that night, then every second was worth it. that night, i came to believe again that heaven is indeed here on earth and it was in the form of a magnificent legendary band called PEARL JAM. the minute i saw eddie vedder in the flesh, all ugly feelings fled my insides, and what remained was this blissful, heady sensation.

this is the kind of experience that gets your heart pumping life all over your weary spirit and transports you to a state where you stop thinking and just literally let yourself hear and feel the songs with every fiber of your being. they played formidable sets and each song seemed to be a document of all the feelings i have been undergoing the past months; disappointment, listlessness, frustration, loneliness, excitement, fear, happiness, resignation, and finally, this desire to endure and plod through the dark moments.

i easily figured out which ones in the audience were my contemporaries by looking to see who would just nod their heads to world wide suicide or yellow ledbetter and then yell with all their might to betterman, black or jeremy.

that night i felt like it was just me in the audience and them onstage. i felt like i was back at home again on a hot summer morning, waking up to eddie’s voice blasting through the karaoke’s gigantic speakers. i did not care if i looked like an overaged grunge fan banging her head to every beat or rhythmn she hears. right in front of me was one of the greatest bands i have ever known, one who survived ailments like sophomore jinx, and bandmates’ egoes, which commonly brought demise to others, so who would bother to care about what other people think in a moment like that?

i saw a husband and a wife with their young son three rows in front of us and it got me thinking that if i had a kid that time, i would have also brought him or her to the gig, because it’s always good to start them young when it comes to great music. so that’s one thing on my list of things to do before i die, bring my first-born to a pearl jam concert while he/she is still under five, or an EHEADS reunion concert even.

pearl jam

after their first set, i texted one of my highschool friends to tell her how magnificent pearl jam was and she reminded me of this naughty idea we had in highschool where we said that eddie would be the man who will have the honor to devirginize my innocent self hahaha. well if he’s reading this then… good on him hahaha. my email’s right over on the corner of the page ;P

**photos courtesy of http//pearljam.com/

when it rains, it hails

15 11 2006

seriously cold today, like it was winter all over again. i gotta tell you, this adventure never ceases to keep me on my toes. and when it rains, it not only pours, they also throw in hail to the mix. sometimes it can get tiring, you feel like it’s adversity after adversity, or that going home seems like a really good idea because you’ve been battered no end by events you have no control of or people whose mission in life is to be a bitch and deliver unnecessary grief to others. but then someone tells you that it’s your life and that you should never let anyone mess with it and then you start to realize that everything you have right now, you achieved by hard work, so they’re all worth fighting for, no matter how herculean (is this a sexist term?). so from this moment on, no more miss-goody-two-shoes baby. let’s see who’s better at being a bitch.

nah, i can’t really live with that much anger inside me, if i did that, then i’d be the one losing the fight. i’m just going to pretend that those bitches don’t exist. and besides, that which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.

so anyway, enough of that ranting. last weekend me and tseri threw a party to celebrate our birthdays and it was the first time i ever had so much fun at a party here. and i can hardly remember any birthday party of mine being that crazy and enjoyable. maybe because i’m now more relaxed, settled and happy with my situation here. even our friends from the office were there, it was quite literally a united colors of benetton scene (was what i just said bakya? hahaha). so if you’ve gotten hold of the pictures, forgive the poses, we were just seriously drunk with happiness.

last monday i started my six-week photography class with CAE. the first session was fun and very informative, most of what i know about photography has been basically rendered useless by our teacher hahaha. which is all good because i am now on the road to becoming an enlightened photographer hehehe. and did you know that a traditional camera’s film actually has 22 megapixels in it, so no matter how much you blow up your baby photos, they are never going to pixelate. amazing isn’t it? so now i understand how people can still remain purists when it comes to photography and stick with manual cameras.

i’ll close this post with my birthday photo. will you look at that cake, really, really decadent. that’s melanie’s gift =)


quarter of a century

9 11 2006

can you believe i’ve been on this earth for a quarter of a century? i can’t. when i was young, i used to think of people aged 25 as really old, now that i’m of that age, i’m thinking am i really 25, i don’t feel 25, i feel like i just got out of college and still have a lot to learn.

i don’t remember the last time my birthday was ever this fun. because i had already celebrated last weekend and because there was going to be a joint party for me and tseri on friday night, i was not really expecting anything unusual today but it turned out the day had several very touching surprises in store for me.

first was melanie’s SMS birthday greeting and then her naughty birthday card which when opened showed two huge male bum cheeks (haha). and then there was faye’s announcement to our entire pinoy friends here of my birthday, which were followed by “haba birdie” songs and wishes. there was also yum cha lunch that a colleague in the office organized for me and cherry. the endless dim sum and air from all the laughing were enough to keep us lethargic all throughout the afternoon. and then there was also melanie’s booboo of forgetting i had been copied to an email organizing a birthday dinner for me, so she accidentally revealed her surprise birthday bacio cake from brunetti’s hahaha. the dinner at chocolate buddha with catcat, lennie and melanie in fed square was very nice. and what is a birthday without dessert right, so we had this impromptu dessert and wine session at our flat, where rochinet, ariz and melendres joined us.

to be honest, i was planning on just going home early today and going out for a run to celebrate, but i wouldn’t trade the pockets of celebration i had for that solitary run. as rochinet said, it’s my birthday so i have the right to indulge.


the older you get, the less things should be on your regret list and the less you should be apologizing for yourself.

So here we are tonight, you and me together
The storm outside, the fire is bright
And in your eyes I see what’s on my mind
You’ve got me wild, turned around inside
And then desire, see, is creeping up heavy inside here
And do you feel the same way as I do now
Now let’s make this an evening
Lovers for a night, lovers for tonight
Stay here with me, love, tonight
Just for an evening
When we make our passion pictures
You and me twist up as secret creatures
And well stay here
Tommorrow go back to being friends

Go back to being friends, but tonight let’s be lovers, we kiss and sweat
Well turn this better thing
To the best
Of all we can offer, just a rogue kiss
Tangled tongues and lips,
See me this way
Im turning and turning for you
Girl, just tonight

Float away here with me
An evening just wait and see
But tommorrow go back to your man
I’m back to my world
And we’re back to being friends
Wait and see me,
Tonight let’s do this thing
All we are is waisting hours until the
Sun comes up it’s all ours
On our way here
Tommorrow go back to being friends

Go back to being friends
Tonight let’s be lovers, say you will
And hear me call, soft-spooken
Whispering love
A thing or two I have to say here
Tonight lets go all the way then
Love Ill see you

Just for this evening
Lets strip down, trip out at this
One evening starts with a kiss
Run away

And tommorrow
Back to being friends
Just for tonight, one night…love you
And tommorrow say goodbye

– Say Goodbye
by DMB

Long Weekend

7 11 2006

It’s a holiday today in Victoria because of the Melbourne Cup. It’s the biggest horse race in Australia that’s billed as “the race that stops a nation.” I thought it was just a waste of time and money, because aside from the tickets, you also have to buy yourself a nice dress to garb yourself in on race day. Because I had a big long weekend, I decided to spend the day in my pj’s washing laundry and recovering from 4 straight nights of drinking and staying up late. Will, a friend I met up in Sydney, said it’ll be good to experience the Cup once in your life, that the thunderous sound of the horse’s hooves would be enough to make the day worth your while. And watching the race today on TV, I’m guessing he’s right, so next year, I am definitely going. I’ll just buy my dress in Manila hehehe.


So the weekend trip to Sydney with Faye, Herb, Siopao and Eva was filled with overcast skies and cold winds and non-stop rain. It was a totally different city that I saw. But despite that I was still able to tick off most of the places I wanted to check out.

Since my first trip there was spent walking the tourist trail and checking out all the iconic places, I decided this time, I’d soak up the culture and lifestyle so I listed the suburbs of Glebe and Paddington as two of my targets.

Saturday afternoon was spent in bohemian Glebe, particularly in the Glebe market. It was definitely the best weekend market I’ve ever seen here, the clothes and stuff were out of the ordinary, although some of them were still a bit pricey for my cheapskate self.

Saturday night was spent hanging out with Will (I used to work with him but he resigned a few months ago) at his house and at a couple of places he frequents, and basically getting a feel of how Australians normally spend their weekend. Which consisted mainly of drinking. Kidding. It actually consist of great conversations, good food and wine. He lives in Paddington and we had dinner and wine at a Thai resto and went drinking at his favorite pub, which he calls “his royal pub.” It was kinda cool because most of his friends live around the area and it’s their local pub so they’d just walk down there and meet, without having to call each other. What I’ve noticed with Aussies is that night drinks are so much a part of their culture, whether it be at a pub or just a friend’s house. It’s a venue where people can relax after a hard day at work or a very busy week, meet new friends or to catch up with someone you haven’t seen in a long time. The atmosphere’s relaxing and the conversation flows freely (this one depends on where you are, if you’re at a pub with loud music, you prob’ly shouldn’t expect a decent conversation hehe). This has made me take on a different view on drinking because I used to think it was just for getting pissed and passing out and doing things you’d regret on the morning after.

Sunday started out late for me and I just went to the Australian Museum (to make good on my promise to be a culture vulture this time around) and St. Mary’s Cathedral. It was an interesting museum trip, if not politically-charged. The section on indigenous Australia introduced me to the different issues that have ailed and are still ailing aboriginal groups and their relationship with the government. Those of you who have Social Science degrees or have taken a course know the drill. What conflicts and problems arise when assimilation is implemented prematurely or without much planning. Indigenous cultures and their issues have mostly been treated as minority, even in the Philippines and I think there will always be conflict when two groups of people with different goals meet but hopefully, bridges have genuinely been rebuilt.

The cathedral was majestic and solemn but was no help at all in preventing myself from being under the weather so I just went back to the hotel while outside, rains continued and the skies remained heavy and dark. But I didn’t want the day to be a complete waste so Eva and I got two bottles of wine and with Herbie’s help, drank it all down while discussing past loves, issues and life in general. And that showed that alcohol is not only a social catalyst but a inanimate therapist too.

I scrapped the bridge climb I scheduled for our last day there because I didn’t want to spend money when the skies were overcast. Instead Eva and I just went up to the Sydney Tower. I honestly didn’t enjoy it much prob’ly because I didn’t see any value in it because of the weather but the view was interesting, and worth a try if you’re into that kind of thing.

I don’t really have anything enlightening to write to conclude the trip. Or maybe I do have some. Next time you go on a trip, get off the tourist trail as soon as you can and live the way the locals do, because it is definitely what will make the trip worthwhile. And every trip can turn into a mind-blowing and life-changing adventure, even if the only time you see the sun is when you’re just a few minutes away from your flight home. And again, at the end of the day, you never really regret the things that you did, just the things that you didn’t do.

sa’yo ang inuman

4 11 2006

okay so i’m kicking off my weekend trip to sydney in drunken stupor. we had this impromptu tequila-drinking session at catcat’s apartment with melanie and lennie. it was the only inuman (drinking session) where i saw someone actually use a measuring spoon to divide how much tequila a “shot” had in each glass. how methodical. it was also the first time i ever got intoxicated here in melbourne. i rode the tram walking in a jagged line and asked melanie to buy my tram ticket for me because i wasn’t sure i could drop the coins in the slot of the ticket machine. oh the joys of intoxication. and i think i hold the only record of being able to do laundry (with the laundry room one level below my flat) while half-asleep, groggy and having to hold on the wall to keep me still while making my way down the hall. and i’m also about to earn the title of packing for a 3 day trip while under the influence. good thing people here don’t give a damn about how you look because i’m not confident i’ll be able to choose “practical” and “well-thought-of” garments for sydney.

this is one of those times when the only thing that can jolt you to sobriety is a gas bill which says your consumption in 4 months amounted to more than a thousand dollars, which is almost as expensive as whole month’s rent. i swear my knees grew weak upon reading that figure. thank goodness melanie called the provider and verified. the thousand dollar amount has been cancelled and now we’re down to a hundred dollars. i knew i always took forever to take a bath but i wasn’t prepared for that kind of expense. whew. lordy, i was ready to give up hot water even if bathing froze me to death.

despite the probability of me having to induce puking to prevent a painful hangover later this morning, i thoroughly enjoyed the tequila and the company of friends tonight, just what i’ve been hungering for in the past few days. not a bad way to kick off your birthday celebration, if you really think about it. happy birthday to me. i’m off to sydney in 4 hours and salvation, in the form of sleep, is still more than 12 hours away. for now, i’m asking ron to keep me awake.

seeing as intoxication equals prolific blog entries, i might just do this drinking session more often.